That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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