I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
