When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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