So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
