She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
