it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
