First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
