i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
