He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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