Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
