I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
