I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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