I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
