Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
