He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
