I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
