Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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