you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
