i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
