I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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