Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
