i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
