dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
