: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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