I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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