Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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