You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
