the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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