If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
