No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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