covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
