I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
