there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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