he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize