got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
