We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
