he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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