were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
