Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
