I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
