How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize