peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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