The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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