I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
