to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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