Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
PANTIES FOUND
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