HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
