I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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