recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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