I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize