i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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