2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
