What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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