you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
