I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
