Four minutes until I can fart!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Congratulations! We have a period
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