Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
