no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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