Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
