to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
