sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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