He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
