That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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