Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
