anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
