i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had to cum in my sink.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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