Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize