So drunk its hurt
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize