Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
