During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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