I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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