I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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