and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize