drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
