do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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