is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
