someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
