5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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