waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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