I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize