so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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