I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
