She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
