Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
