sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you made out with another girl for some wings
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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