It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
