So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
