You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
