I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
