dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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