I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
