We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
