The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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