I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
