What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
