My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
