Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
