Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
