The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
